When I posted last on March 22, I did not want to mention the elephant in the yard, for fear of I don't even know what. In March we were still so innocent.
The last show I exhibited at was Stitches West in late February. I had bought a package of Seventh Generation sanitizing wipes from a plentiful shelf at Target in San Jose, in case the one I had in my van ran out. I'd actually started using them to wipe off things like door knobs and remote controls in hotels a few months prior, to try to keep from getting regular colds or flu. I had no idea that in a few weeks I'd be giving that soon to be precious package of them to a friend with CLL that had to go up to Denver for a medical procedure and stay in a hotel, because by that time they would have vanished from stores and she needed them more than me.
On my way home from California back in that naive February, I stopped in Santa Fe to visit Looking Glass Yarn & Gifts to drop off some yarn, and did a big shopping run (I always do this when I am in a "big town" since there is not a lot of choice in the San Luis Valley) getting a few extra things in case this virus I'd been hearing about on the news turned into thing. At that time I was just happy to be home for awhile, because I'd been on the road to places near and far for 5 of the last 9 weeks. I had more shows to get ready for (I thought) but could take a few days to rest.
We all know too well what happened next. Some of it was particularly sinister to me, seeing headlines of the first cases of "community spread" reported on February 28 in Santa Clara County. Stitches West, where I'd just been interacting with lots of people for several days was in Santa Clara County. I'd also been in New York City in late January, interacting with lots more people at Vogue Knitting Live. I caught two colds since December, and still had one of them on the drive home from California. After seeing the story about the cases in Santa Clara, I recall laying in bed, repeatedly checking my temperature, cringing with every cough, wondering if I had it. Wondering if maybe I needed to go to a hotel so I wouldn't give it to Brian, and what we'd do if I got really sick. I still don't know if I had COVID 19, and will never know.
Everyone has stories of how things went down for them with this virus; illness, lock downs, job losses, and even losing loved ones. We have been extraordinarily fortunate to not have lost anyone close to us, and even though our businesses have been suffering we are in no danger of losing our home and not in any immediate difficulty. Compared to many people, I have no real reason to complain. I'm not really meaning to, just writing about my experience. I'd be interested to know how others are doing. If you are reading this and would like to share, please do.
So here, now, over four months later, what I am doing? The next show I have that has not (yet) been cancelled is Stitches West 2021, over six months away and a full year after the last one I did. I know that I need to re-invent my business for this new world we are in, work on getting more on social media and etcetera etcetera. I know that many people are facing the same things, and may feel the same lack of motivation and often bewilderment about how to proceed that I am feeling. I see lots of people in the fiber arts and other industries doing a great job with this transition, and applaud them while also being envious and wondering how they manage it. Some days I get excited about new projects, and others I get lost in anger, sadness and a general feeling of malaise.
There is a scene in The Good Wife a TV series that I have watched about half of (its really good and included with Amazon Prime if you have that, or on CBS All Access, if you have that) in which Alicia, the main character, comes home exhausted and in profound grief after learning that her former lover, friend and colleague has been shot and killed. She is in her professional clothes, and goes into her bedroom, where she takes off her heels and then does this sort of dive from the foot of the bed, to go under the fluffy comforter from the bottom of the bed to the top, ending up completely covered by it. On bad days when moving about the house, putting away folded laundry or just tidying up, I see my bed and want to do that sort of swan dive under the covers and not come out until things are normal again.
I decided to write a post to just ask, offer, whatever, if anyone would like to share how and what they are doing. Things are not going to be normal again for awhile, and maybe never. What soothes you? What is making you sad or angry, beyond the obvious? I am trying hard to not get political on this blog, because I do enough of it on Twitter and Facebook, but its ok if others need to. What is making you happy? For me, right now, it's knitting, walking, a mug of tea.
